Through the Eyes of Sir Cadogan
by Aranami
Summary: Sir Cadogan is promoted to a new location and witnesses many odd happenings.
1. New Location

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Yup, me.... Damnit, alright, I DONT own Harry Potter. But, I'm planning on buying Draco. mUwAhahahaha! *coughgag* sorry...  
  
Author's Note: This, my friends, is what you call insanity. I dont' even know why i'm doing this. But, here it is people. The world through the disturbing... knightly (o.O;;) eyes of Sir Cadogan... dear heavens save me...  
  
also... my opinion and little stupid remarks pop up a lot in this. and your just gonna ahve to live with it! MUWAHAHAHAHAH!!!  
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"Are you sure about this?" Professor Snape looked over at Headmaster Dumbledore.   
  
"Of course, Severus. It's about time he got out of this lonely area." Dumbledore smiled. Snape looked at him uncertainly before grabbing a large frame off the wall. The picture inside was currently empty, except a lake and a few trees of course. Dumbledore followed Snape down the stairs. "Being out around more people just might help his character."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes upwards. They finally got to the large hall by the front door of Hogwarts (sheesh, people, you know what i'm talking about!!). Snape placed the frame onto the wall and stood back to admire his work. He looked over at Dumbledore. "Are you really certain this is a good idea?"  
  
"Nonesense!" Dumbledore replied. He looked at the picture thoughtfully. "Where do you think he is anyway?"  
  
~  
  
"Theivery!" a voice exclaimed. A small group of monks watched as the short knight fell to his knees with a clank. "They stole my land! Those slimey knaves."  
  
"Sir Cadogan," One of the monks cleared his throat. "They moved you to the first floor. Near the entrance and the Great Hall."  
  
"A Quest!" Sir Cadogan jumps to his feet. (oh, alright, he clammered to his feet after falling a couple of times) "Dare thou come with me?" The monks looked at him oddly, but he continued. "To run through great lands and many dangers! We will face many trials I am sure-" by this time the monks were ignoring him completely "-but we will make it! And back to my land!"  
  
Sir Cadogan gave them a nod of determination and set out to find his painting.  
  
After a great and terrible journey of... walking through the walls (o.O), Sir Cadogan found his frame. His grey speckled pony was already there, grazing lazily in the breeze. (do they even have breeze?)   
  
"Ah, Sir Cadogan!" Dumbledore exclaimed as the tiny little knight jumped into veiw. "I hope you enjoy your new place. I thought it would be nice to change around the paintings, make things more interesting."  
  
"I thank you, Good Sir!" Sir Cadogan replied. Dumbledore nodded, smiling, before walking off. Snape shook his head, knowing this proved the Headmaster's insanity.  
  
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So, what kind of mischief will Sir Cadogan experience? Comming soon in the next Chapter! muwahahahah! 


	2. Truth or Dare

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, then don't you think I'd be selling this?  
  
Some of you may not find this funny.. but... eh, oh well. *shrug* but if your a humorous person like me who laughs at EVERYTHING then you will. ^.~  
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"Truth or Dare?"   
  
Hermione thought a moment. Her, Ron, Harry, Ginny, and Neville sat around the Gryffindor Common Room playing the typical game of Truth or Dare. It was a late Saturday night and they should of been in bed, but boredom brought them together for some fun. Ron leaned over to Harry and muttered soemthing about Hermione always picking Truth. Hermione glared before speaking, "Dare."  
  
"What?" Ron said, a sudden grin crossing his. "Are you sure?"  
  
"I said what I said." She replied. Ron grin suddenly became very devilish and Hermione felt a pang of regret.  
  
"This my friend," Ron told her, "Is payback for the stripping dare..."  
  
~~~~~~  
  
"Se- *hiccup* -ya later!" Sir Cadogan waved merrily at the card table surround by dogs and beer. He had just found out that poker dogs sure knew how to party! Sir Cadogan bumped along the wall, passing a group of nuns in deep disscusion. "My fair ladies!"  
  
"Goodness, Sir Cadogan!" One of the nuns exclaimed. She shook her head along with the others. "Don't you think it's a little late to go walking around in such fashion?"  
  
"Dear Lady, I must say, I know not of what you speak." Sir Cadogan suddenly let out a loud belch. The nuns looked at him a moment before bursting out in laughter. Sir Cadogan waved them away and clanked his way to his portrait. As he stepped onto the nice green grass he barely noticed his grey speckeled pony asleep. He walked straight into him, tripped and flew over him onto the ground in a loud crash. Rollong onto his stomach he looked at the horse. He didn't even know horses kneel like that! Didn't they sleep on their feet? (A/N: actually... they do both. lol. at least the horses at my grandma's farm did.)  
  
Sir Cadogan muttered something very un-Shakespearean before noticing movement in the the large room that led to the Great Hall. He quickly stood, not before nearly falling in his tipsiness, and peaked over to the corner of the stairs. He heard some urgent whispering.  
  
"I'm not doing this!" The voice said quitely.  
  
"Come on, there is no one here. Do it, so we can go back to the common room." A second voice replied. Sir Cadogan quickly clammered over to the edge of his portrait and hide himself behind the frame. Though... Lord only knows why... Anyway, back to the story.  
  
He watched in silence, except a drunken burp here and there, as a leg stepped into veiw. Then another leg. Cadogan's eyes widened as a fully naked girl darted across the room. He couldn't help but giggle as a few minutes later the girl came back after a few second, still naked, and ran the other way. Sir Cadogan faught the idea of following them as his drunken state finally made him slip into a sleep.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
"Well?" Ron asked as Ginny and Hermione both sneeked back into the Common Room. Ginny nodded and helpd back her laughter. "She did!?!"  
  
"Yup, past the Great Hall and down the main corrider in her birthday suit." Ginny replied. "you should of seen the look on some of the pictures' faces!"  
  
"It's not funny!" Hermione glared as the rest burst out in laughter. "I dont' think I'm gonna be able to look at them ever again."  
  
"Especially Sir Cadogan." Ginny said, giggling. Harry rolled his eyes at the mention of the lunatic knight. "He thought he was well hidden behind his frame, but I saw him. He nearly passed out at the side of you, Hermione."  
  
Hermione quickly covered her face in embarassement. Little did she know Sir Cadogan would forever wink at her and call her 'Fair Lady'.  
  
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I would LOVE to hear some ideas on what else Sir Cadogan should witness. Please reveiw if you feel like it. ^^ 


	3. Ms Norris In Love

Author's Note: *sniffle* My Humor Muse is taking a vacation!! This is all I could come up with. so sad. so sad. Maybe he's mad I just call him humor muse and not his real name? hmmm... Oh, and I HAD to write this sooner or later. I was gonna do it as a seperate story, but I figured I'd just put it in here. I think Ms. Norris deserves much more credit than she gets. muwahahah.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! nothing! not even this computer!  
  
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Sir Cadogan sat down on the painted grass and mused. He watched the shadows dance and play in the hall. Oh, so bored. Oh so very bored. Hey, wait a minute! What is that. Intrigued, Sir Cadogan leaned forward. It was a cat. Aha! Sir Cadogan thought, 'Tis Lady Norris! Sir Cadogan was about to speak to the cat when another shadow came from the other direction. A large ginger colored cat stepped into the room.  
  
"Meow." Ms. Norris said simply. The ginger cat, who was obviously Crookshanks (How he got out of Hermione's dorm is beyond me. That cat isn't normal now is it?), walked over to her. If Sir Cadogan wasn't mistaken, it looked like they smiled at each other. He watched as they butted heads. Ms. Norris purred loudly.  
  
Awww, how cute! Sir Cadogan smiled. They liked each other. He was so busy watching the two cats touch noses and purr that he barely noticed a large shadow cover them.   
  
"Errear!" Ms. Norris let out a screeching meow as two hands ceased her.  
  
"Now, now, Ms. Norris!" Filch said, gripping his cat tightly. He looked down at Crookshanks and kicked his leg out angrily. "You leave my Norris alone! She's much too good for you! Besides, she's my baby."  
  
With that Filch lifted Ms. Norris' head and kissed her on the nose. Ms. Norris immediately sneezed. Crookshanks let out a low growl, as though defending the other cat. Filch glared at the ginger cat then turned and headed up the stairs, Ms. Norris looking back over his shoulder. She reached out a paw towards Crookshanks, letting out a mornful meow. With that, she disapeared out of sight.  
  
Sir Cadogan sniffed and wiped away a tear. Softly, he whispered, "Two star crossed lovers."  
  
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extremely short, I know. and not very funny. But, I had to write it anyway. poor ms. norris. *sniffle* 


	4. Hagrid's Problem

Author's Note: Well, I'm slowly but surely getting my Humor Muse back. It's taking quite a lot of work to convince him, but I'm sure by this weekend he'll be eating bird seed out of my pocket. muwahahah!!  
  
Disclaimer: if you think I own Harry Potter then I think it's time someone go check in to St. Mungo's.  
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Sir Cadogan waved as one of his friends wandered off to his own picture. That's when he noticed the front door slowly open. Hagrid's large form walked into the hall. Sir Cadogan watched as Hagrid stood there motionless, as though waiting for something. Soon, a dark figure apeared, slowly walking up to Hagrid.   
  
"'Ello Professor Snape." Hagrid said softly. Snape nodded in return, then handed Hagrid something. It was a large vial containing a purple liquid. "I highly 'preciate this Professor."  
  
"It's not a problem, Hagrid." Snape replied. Snape smirked, then turned and left, his robes billowing as usual. Hagrid looked down at the vial he held. After a second of inspection, he turned and left through the front door.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
"Look at what it done!" Hagrid growled. Sir Cadogan held back his laughter as he watched the two converse the next night. Snape held back the need to laugh as he leaned in to inspect Hagrid.   
  
"Did you leave it in too long?" Snape asked, his voice quivering from laughter.   
  
"I follered the inspections!" Hagrid exclaimed. He sniffed. "Now what am I serposed to do?"  
  
"I honestly *hehe* don't know what could of *hehe* happened." Snape told him. He thought a moment, his eyes not leaving Hagrid. "Did you put it in the sun?"  
  
"Well, er..." Hagrid's voice faded as he thought. "I had ter go and check on the pumpkins. I had the stuff on while I was doin' it."  
  
"The sun must of reacted with it." Snape covered his mouth as he let out a giggle. They talked a few minutes more. Hagrid left, a sad look on his face when they've discovered Snape could do nothing about his problem. Slowly Sir Cadogan could here a laughter fill the area. To his shock, Snape doubled over in a low laugh.  
  
Not many things could make the Potions Master laugh. But watching Hagrid walk off towards his hut, his hair glowing in neon pink, braught the laughter out.  
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well, slowly my humor is comming back. yay! hehe.... anywho. hope you liked. 


	5. What Was That?

Author's Note: I would like to thank my grandpa for this story. lol. Someone did this at his work. Muwahahahah!!!   
  
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The sight of two red heads greeted Sir Cadogan early this morning as he was awoken by his pony trying to step on him. Fred and George Weasley slowly snuck into the hall, holding a small device in their hands. Sir Cadogan watched curiously as the boys walked over to a large landscape across the hall and slid the device under the frame. In hushed laughs, they left the hall and made their way back to the Gryffindor tower.  
  
The next morning, after insulting a few students, Sir Cadogan sat down and leaned back against a small oak tree. He barely noticed the two red heads in the far corner, holding what looked to be a remote control in their hand. Nor did he notice Harry Potter leaning against the wall next to the landscape picture. What he did notice was the loud sound that suddenly escaped from that direction.  
  
The room suddenly grew quiet, students turning to stare at The Boy Who Lived. His face flushed, mouth opened. It started with a giggle, then, the room filled with laughter. Harry frowned and yelled, " I didn't do it!"  
  
"Sure! Sure!" A Hufflepuff mocked.   
  
"But I didn't!" Harry said through gritted teeth. The laughter continued, refusing to die down. After about ten minutes of teasing the poor boy, people finally went on their way. As a new crowd entered the hall, and the old left, Draco Malfoy took it upon himself to stop in the same place Harry Potter once stood. The moment he got their a loud sound ripped through the air. It, of course, could only be described as a fart, plain and simple. And it was a long one, very long.   
  
"What the fuck was that?!" Exclaimed Draco. He twilred around in a fury, trying to find the sound. Everyone stared, no one dared to laugh. Mostly because they were all Slytherins and they wouldn't dream of insulting Draco. He knew where they slept at night, afterall. Draco shook his head, confused, but went on about his business.  
  
"PSSSHHRRRRRRTIIRRPPPBSHRT!" Draco froze. A few people stiffled a laugh as the pale blonde sniffed the air. He turned to the others. "All right! Which one of you is it? Huh? Speak up!"  
  
"Well, It came from your direction." A small 1st year Slytherin piped up. Draco turned to her a sneered, making her eyes widen.  
  
"Do you actually think I, Draco Malfoy, would do that?" He growled.   
  
"No." The girl said softly. Draco smirked.  
  
"Well, she does have a point, Malfoy." A rather brave Ravenclaw said. "It did come from your general direction."  
  
"This is ridiculous!" Draco yelled in rage. "I can't believe you people would think I, a MALFOY, would do something of the sort! It was-"  
  
"BIIIRSSSSHSHSHHEEEOOOPPTTT!" By now the younger members of the crowd were on the floor in hysterics. Draco let out a loud scream and dashed from the room in frustration. As the room slowly emptied with laughing students the two red heads turned to each other, grinning.  
  
"Shall we do it tomorrow?" Fred asked.  
  
"Of course!" George agreed. Then, together, they left the hall, leaving a laughing Sir Cadogan alone.  
  
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A/N: just to let you guys know, these stories are intended to be short. short and supposedly funny. hehe. hope you liked this one. 


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